For the majority of my life I was a “Christian”. I believed that God was real and that he sent his Son to die on the cross for my sins. I knew I was a sinner, but relied mainly on good deeds and a kind personality. I was a good person, but looking back I realized I lacked a genuine faith.
I remember seeking to know God, but it was more of an image thing in middle school and high school to be the “good Christian girl”. I didn’t genuinely seek to know Him until after a missions trip to Guatemala the summer before I started college.
My faith did not actually become my own until I came under the Word and the teachings, and the discipleship of the people at Grace. The first few months I was struggling in the battle with earthly desires and my desire to know God. I tried having the “best of both worlds”, but was later convicted of the great depth of my sin. It was devastating seeing those selfish, evil qualities in me, and how big they were in my life.
Through prayer, reading the Word, and seeking council from my church family I am working on those things, replacing them with God’s love and His teachings. As I feel that I am finally getting past something, God shows me another area where that is still present. I am still having a hard time seeing these things in me and not getting discouraged. But I am starting see that he is showing me the ways of my heart because he loves me. Because he wants me to draw near to Him. I cannot express the joy that has filled me since I have come to know God. To know that He loves me, no matter how unworthy I am, He still chooses to love me. I am reminded of that everyday as I talk with Him and read His Word.